The Big Mouse, and the Big Ugly Pink Backpack

Otherwise known as How To Survive Disneyworld With Minimal Meltdowns.

I'm a mom. My two kids are 6, and 7. They are.....well, lets just say they are REAL hyperactive (diagnosed) and have some other special needs. So you'd never think we could take two kids like this to the Disneyworld, spend the entire day at parks (yep, we parkhop) and walk between 8-12 miles a day, and spend 7+ hours a day at the park 3 out of 4 days, right?

Well we did. The Columbia hiking boots and the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World helped, but Disney = Magic. And my magic is a Big, Ugly, Pink, Leopard Print.......backpack. Enjoy my thoughts, and if you were one of the parents who looked at me with open hatred as I cruised past you with my fastpass and children wearing sensible shoes, while your Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo'd princess sobbed with exhaustion and an advanced case of glittery mascara in her eye.....well, I'm sorry.

OK, I'm not sorry. I hope you've learned from your experience and won't allow anyone to apply your primary school age child's makeup with a trowel next year, but I just can't summon up any sympathy.

Anyone, on to MY guilty little secrets. Bananas and raisins and....water!

http://www.ebay.com/itm/HANNA-ANDERSSON-....271041689438%26

I'm NOT selling mine. This is just what mine looks like.

Can you imagine someone like me hauling THIS around Disneyworld? Your first question might be "are you on something illicit? why would you carry something like that?" Well, here is WHY, and here is detailed instructions as to HOW.

Well, we got it free. And it was Hanna Anderson (HA), which basically = indestructible.

I was shocked when I discovered this backpack, which was kindly gifted to me - was HA. They used to be the epitome of understated swedish cool. They were located in Portland, OR for forever - they used all natural fibers, etc.

So what happened? Well, during hard times in the 90's, the Swedes checked their portfolio, decided it was time to get out. The pragmatic woman they had hired as their chief became president, and......moved the company to Kentucky. They still have a lot of their staples and all cotton stuff. And I can attest that they are still indestructible. But, like 90% of anything that is moved to the the "Kentucky-like area" it started to subtly adapt. Leopard prints, shiny butterflys, neon flowers, etc started to appear. Protective coloration, you might say.

But they still wear like iron. Or like steel magnolias you might say. So I hauled this ugly backpack around, day in and day out, for water, and books, and baby wipes. After enduring a year, it was time for Disney. And, like everything destined to go to the Big Mouse - it became.....magical. And then endured for another year and worked it's same magic.

If you've ever been to the parks, you've seen them.

The tarted up princesses, wilting inside their polyester cocoons. The face painted toddler boys, wailing and screaming and dissolving in a puddle of unhappy urine. Take a kid and expose them to sun, and WAY too much fun, and water only at mealtimes, and snacks? What snack? Oh, that $9 funnelcake they inhaled, then jumped around from sugar shock, then vomited onto the Main Street pavement.

But not mine. Because I had the magical backpack. Stocked with a gallon ziploc bag of baby wipes (about half of a standard "box" of wipes) and another smaller quart ziploc bag of a couple dozen more wipes in the front pocket.

Spare socks? Yep. Spare undies? Yep. Spare daisy duke knit cotton shorts (the ONLY time I'd put my kids in them)? Yep. 4 boxes of raisins, 4 - 6 bananas? Yep. (Bananas go on top, raisins are stashed in one of the side mesh pockets). Sunglasses for everyone except big daddy (he's cool enough to manage his own)? Yep - in the other side mesh pocket. Separate leopard print "lunch box" to hold 3 water bottles? Yep.

So armed, we attack the parks. I go in the "bag lady" line to be searched (they never bat an eye at all the food I am smuggling into Disney - never) while big daddy and the kids go through the "no bags" line. After that, the first year we checked through with our passes and picked up rental strollers. This year, no strollers.

One hour in (ding!) everyone stops and drinks. Need to pee? No? 20 minutes later everyone stops and drinks. Need to pee? No? After 90 minutes everybody gets it and chugs when cued. We have to do this the first day, then it's a no-brainer. Drink every hour, and drink a LOT.

2 hours in - find a slow ride (small world, living with the land) and force the kids to snork down bananas and raisins while being calmed into submission. Restroom, more water, then......

Lunch at the first place that opens at 11am. Feed them until stuffed. Fastpass whatever is an hour wait, then watch shows or talk to staff members or find hidden mickeys (hint: look up). Once it's noon, trot with your fastpass past fuming, tantruming families who failed to plan and enjoy your ride.

Then leave the park before they kill you. Noon is the best time to parkhop, and besides everybody hates you for planning ahead, so leave now.

Enter next park while everyone else is in an hour long wait for lunch. They'll assume you slept in, unless they saw you pull this trick yesterday, in which case they'll ask you for tips. (for the record, I've only been asked how I do this a half a dozen times.) Ride all the rides, then nab fastpasses when people exit lunch and get in line. Watch shows and force kids to snack and drink water while all the polyester princesses start crying and limping (or being dragged) out of the park. Find the baby center and explain that you need clean water for your child's sippy cup. Promise your child a small toy from the vendor if they make poopy in the baby center's miraculously quiet and small potty. Clean up child, child's hiney, and baby center's potty. Thank baby center's staff profusely and comment on how cute everything is. Nab another fastpass when the hour is up.

Buy small toy. (They don't care by this point - you could give them a bottle cap and they would be happy. Anything shiny with lights is the equivalent of winning the lottery.) Refuse to give it to child until they drain their sippy cup. Let them play with it while YOU refill all water cups and rest and encourage tired spouse to rest. (this is important if you want to get lucky later.)

Keep resting. Show kids the fastpass for "something thrilling" and have them count down the time and wait for the last of the extremely tired kids to crash and burn. Look for hidden mickeys and tell silly stories.

It's fastpass time! Go on fun ride. Now go find all the slow rides everyone else thinks are pathetic. They have 5 minute wait times now, and when you are tired and have been walking for hours and are 5, 6, or 7, suddenly they are awesome.

Eat dinner (preferably in your hotel room, in peace and quiet). Brush everyone's teeth and park kids in front of tv in the bed. Take bets on how long it will be before they fall asleep. Laugh when kids fall asleep in less than 10 minutes. Sober up when you realize this is why your grandparents did all those farm chores.

Load coffeemaker, get mugs ready and preload cereal bowls for the following day, and clean out and repack magic ugly pink backpack with wipes, bananas, and raisins.

If spouse is in the mood (footrubs aid in this, as do sincere compliments) have a "magical" evening!

Repeat next day.

So that's why I lug that big ugly backpack around Disney. It's ugly, it's tacky, and my lower back is screaming in agony from repeated bumps from the metal (or hard plastic) water bottles, but man it's worth it. 

It's Pho Delicious! (teaching your little kids the joy of vietnamese food and culture - in the cultural wilderness of Northern Virgina!)

The manager at my local pho place was kind enough to take a pic of my kids slurping noodles with pretty good skill with chopsticks! I don't know who was more thrilled. It's like a school cafeteria - except the food there is edible!

What I do with the kidlets is look for the kiddie pho. It's usually just broth and noodles. I order that for them, then order my regular size pho with beef brisket (really tender, and mild tasting). Then ask that "my" meat be put in "their" bowl. (this gets you bonus "good asian mommy" points - and the kids meat is free of "vile" green bits). I get spring rolls so that I don't feel meat deprived. Take the plate that is under the HUGE bowl of broth and noodles - chopstick out the meat, chopstick out the noodles, and let them at it. Snug them close to the table, and tell them it's ok to eat with fingers and make a mess. Once they are comfy with this, go to the nearest asian supermarket, buy the trainer chopsticks* and practice having them pick up mini marshmallows and gummi bears and other sticky stuff at home. Once they are semi good, hit the pho place and let them practice. (schedule this for bath day, fyi). Remember thought.......it's polite to the busboy to semi-tidy the table. Leaving a mess behind you is tacky, so after the mess is made, praise them when they clean up. This sometimes nets you freebies on future visits, or at least the red carpet treatment. This is also a good opportunity to teach useful phrases like "gracias" and "agua, por favor?" Yes, many cultures are present at non-american restaraunts! Think deeply discounted language and etiquette lessons, accompanied by yummy food.

http://www.tripadvisor.com/Travel-g293921-s604/Vietnam:Important.Phrases.html

Your young kids prob will not need 21-23. 31 is iffy. 33 is also iffy depending on whether they are being served pho by their nanny/caregiver.

Older daughter is 7 and is getting to the point where she wants to take her trainer chops apart and do like mommy. But she can't. So she tries it, then clicks them back together and slurps noodles. It'll happen when she is ready.

Pics like this make the trump card for "but homeschooled kids don't get the opportunities that regular kids do!" Slam that photo down and say "I'm sorry, and you were saying? And my kids speak a half dozen languages now - how is your little one doing?"

Yes, I'm an evil bitter homeschooler. Sue me. It's cheap food, it's low fat, it's winter and soup is good in winter. And they are learning every day that every culture is valuable. Why not. Pho = Fun. At least in our house. Every time we go to Pho Today the kids are praised by random people on politeness, language skills, and general cheerfulness. Beats mystery meat, fries, and chocolate milk any day of the week.

*can't find them? put down a comment, and I'll be happy to send you a pair. Or go to Amazon.com. We like the http://www.amazon.com/Pororo-Little-Penguin-Second-Chopstick/dp/B003PSD2R2/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1350622875&sr=8-7&keywords=trainer+chopsticks

If the finger loops annoy you or your kids - ignore them. Mine did and learned just fine. But some kids love the loops - your mileage may vary. With many trainer chopsticks, you can remove the loops.

Have fun. Have Pho. ;)

I'm back!

So I'm finally back!

Both kids are fine. I'm homeschooling them. Turns out they were profoundly gifted, AND the autism just made life more interesting. Turns out skipping grades helps kids like mine a LOT....but you have to arrange a social life for them. Oh, well, could be a lot worse.

Debt is gone. I'm not working for money - homeschooling IS my work.

I no longer make my own laundry detergent, although I still make my own 409. I still thrift and garage sale clothes and toys, but not the majority of their stuff. They are older and bigger, and clothes pickings are slimmer. They like books more than toys anyway, and we have a great library.

Cheap Stain Treatment Spray

My friend gave me this recipe. I love it.



1/4 cup liquid automatic dishwashing detergent (I think you could get the dollar store or aldi's powder kind and dissolve it in water - 1/4 cup dissolved in 1/4 cup water, heat until it melts)



1/4 cup powdered laundry detergent (I used 1/4 cup of my own homemade laundry detergent, which is a liquid, and posted elsewhere on this site.)



1/4 cup vinegar



Mix it all in a spray bottle (I use my old spray and wash and totally toddler bottles!), shake, then fill up with hot water. Let the bubbes die down and then top it off. It should be totally full. If you don't dilute it will be too strong and bleach out your clothes. Shake to mix before each use....it has worked wonderfully for me.



SOOOOOO much cheaper than Spray and Wash or Totally Toddler. Also, it seems to actually work better. It even got out cherry jello stains this latest go-round, which shocked even me. I didn't think anything could get out that horrible red food dye.

A big thank you to my friend D----- for this great recipe. It's going to save our family a lot of money I suspect.

Waking Up From the Pull-Ups American Dream

So anyway my 3 year old is in preschool (special ed preschool, she's mildly autistic) and one of the things they are working on is toilet training. So she has to have pull ups or training pants. The price of pull ups was becoming shocking to me (we can afford it, but still....) and they were thinking that the "dry feel" of the pull ups was slowing down her motivation with toilet training so they were very ok with me going and getting some real cloth training pants.

I figured, go out, buy the training pants at the local kmart, no problem. Except they had none. They had the plastic pants (I bought their last 3 packages) but no cloth training pants. They didn't know when they'd be getting more.

OK, fluke thing. And Baby Depot is just a few hundred yards away. We pack the kids back into the double stroller and away we go. And.......they don't have them either. Turns out they've discontinued both them and the plastic pants - they were a high theft item and just not earning any profit for the store.

Called Walmart and finally found them. God knows when I'll see them again so I picked up a dozen pairs. And they only had the cloth training pants - no plastic pants, so good thing I got them when I did. Turns out they have problems with theft too, but they sell enough of them that they are still profitable so they aren't considering discontinuing them yet.

I thought about it a lot. Really, what is the solution to a problem like this? Obviously, theft is always wrong, but certain kinds of theft I can more readily empathize with. Someone who is hungry who steals a loaf of bread, someone who is dirty who steals a bar of soap. Someone whose child needs clean pants but has no money.......

I hope that we would live in a society where if a hungry, dirty, needy-for-their-child person would approach a store manager and ask for something basic, they would be given that - I've seen arrangements like that (unofficial) at a dollar store I once worked at - for very basic items, survival goods only. I'm sure that some store managers would be "get lost, bum" but I think that many still retain their humanity.

But really, how many people would have the bravery and the humility to beg like that?

I think it's sad that in a society where we have food pantries, and WIC, and welfare, and rent controlled apartments, we don't really provide people with coping strategies for "end of the month and the food and the diapers are running out". So they feel like that is their only option. That's sad.

And if you are wondering, I found out that both the training pants and the plastic pant are available (for like half the price, when it comes to the training pants) on eBay. Problem is, I told my daughter we were going to get the pants today, and she doesn't understand about shipping delays and all that. But if Walmart ever discontinues them, and anybody needs them, you can find both on eBay. Yes, brand new.

And if anyone has any ideas on if there IS a solution for the complicated social problem of training pants theft, declining profit margins in this market, and reduction of good environmental and frugal choices for today's thoughtful parent (just one more marker of how things have gone terribly wrong in our world) I'd LOVE to hear them. So please comment!

Please.

Bread for Total Beginners

A good starting point is hillbillyhousewife.com and her recipe for beginner's bread. Actually hillbiblly housewife is a good starting point for eating cheap in general.

This article is different in that it uses some whole wheat flour, though. Which seriously boosts protein, vitamins, minerals, fiber, everything. You DO have to use a different technique though.

Ingredients you will need:

Flour - 2 cups WW flour, 1 cup white flour
Water - about a cup and a half
Sugar/honey/syrup/molasses - 1 teaspoon
Salt - 1 teaspoon
Yeast - 2 teaspoons (1 packet)


Start with your flour. Take your 2 cups of WW flour, take it and pour in 2 cups of nice warm water. Just about the temp you would use to bathe a toddler in. Stir it all in and put it somewhere to soak for about an hour. WW flour needs all that time to absorb the water so it won't be dry. After about an hour, combine about a half cup of nice warm water and 2 teaspoons yeast. I buy my yeast at Costco because it is a fraction of the price. When I open it up, I pour my old (Fleishmann's) yeast jar full (a good size baby food jar would work as well) then seal up the rest of the package in a ziploc and freeze it in the deep freeze. It freezes well.

Now, the yeast needs something to eat. Give it 1 Tablespoonful of something sweet. Sugar, honey, sorghum syrup, anything. Stir, put it somewhere warm and draft free (like an oven that is not on) and let it set for a half hour. The yeast should be bubbly and active. If it's not, it's dead. If you just bought it, set it aside, and take it back to the store and get your money back. By the way, never buy yeast past the expiration date and never store it somewhere hot. Fridge is good. Freezer is good. Cupboard is not great. Sunny shelf is really bad.

After a half hour, stir in 1 teaspoon of salt and 2 Tablespoons of oil or some other kind of fat to the yeast. The oil or fat keeps it moist, otherwise it will go stale VERY fast.

Stir the bubbly yeast mixture into the now thoroughly moistened flour.

Now, start working in your white flour to finish it off and knead it. Add flour little by little while kneading the bread (look on youtube to find a video of someone kneading bread to watch, it's hard to describe) until the dough doesn't stick to your (clean and oiled) hands too bad. If you don't use the whole cup of white flour, fine. If you use slightly more, fine. Flour, rice, and beans - they all vary. Some have more moisture and you need less cooking time or less of them. Some are drier and you need more cooking time or more of them. It's not exact.

Wash the bowl you mixed the dough up in, and oil it. Plop the bread into it. Cover it with something. Saran wrap, a cereal box liner cup open (thanks Ruthie!), or a clean towel. Put the whole thing in the oven, but make sure the oven is OFF and not hot. You are using the oven as a "proofing box", a place that isn't cold and doesn't have any drafts - perfect for rising, or "proofing". It might take an hour, it might take two. Like any living thing, it's on it's own schedule. Once it is twice as puffy as it was when you put it in, punch it down. Now put it in a clean, oiled loaf pan, or divide it into 6 pieces and put them into a cake pan to make rolls. Brush the top with oil and put it back into the proofing box - - - I mean oven. It won't take long to rise this second time - maybe a half hour or an hour. Once it's nice and puffy again, pull it out and put it on the counter.

NOW turn the oven on to 350 degrees. Once it's completely hot (not before) pop the bread in the oven and set the oven for 30 minutes. Check it after that, it might need another 5 or 10 minutes. Rolls often take only 20-25 minutes.

Let it cool thoroughly before cutting slices and it will cut better.

I never bake only one loaf at a time - I always do 2. Just double all the ingredients.

If it doesn't come out quite perfect the first time, keep trying, it takes a few batches to figure out how to make really awesome bread. The first few should be edible, though. And toasting covers a multitude of sins.

How Low Can You Go? Safely.

Every time I see someone post a "super cheap but healthy" menu, they always seem to assume....

....that people would rather die or get in a soup line rather than give up meat, eggs, and dairy.

Not realizing that by giving up these three items, and rationing any kind of processed food - food actually drops drastically in cost. I'm going to post a couple of menus, and the daily cost for one person to eat these menus daily. In the Northern Virginia area, which is probably comparable with many other areas. You could get these foods even cheaper at Costco or Aldi's, but I'll take my prices from Giant Foods, a high end grocery that is located everywhere around here.

This menu assumes that you do a LOT of cooking from scratch. Most people who really are chasing the wolf away from the door have enough free time to soak beans and make their own bread. It's not a high tech skill, I've even seen these skills taught to the mentally retarded, so I'm not buying the "it's just too hard" excuse. Yes, you CAN make your own bread, hummus, beans and rice, TVP spaghetti, etc.

The food items are accompanied by numbers. The first is calories, the second fat, the third carbs, the fourth is protein. Totals for the day are at the bottom and in the same order.

Each days menu allows for 3 meals, water to drink, no snacks.

Milk, soy, ready-to-drink, 1/2 cup 51 2.0 5.6 2.8 - 20 cents
Oatmeal, cooked, regular 1/2 cup 73 1.2 12.7 3.0 - 5 cents

Hummus 0.5 cup 212 10.3 24.1 5.8 - 20 cents
Bread, whole wheat, 100%, made from home recipe 4 thick slices 598 13.6 108.7 18.4 -25 cents
Carrots, raw 0.25 pound 46 0.3 10.9 1.1 - 25 cents
Raisins small box (1.5 oz) 129 0.2 34.0 1.3 - 35 cents

Textured vegetable protein 0.25 cup, 56 0.2 6.5 8.0 - 10 cents (at Whole Foods, shelf stable)
Spaghetti, cooked 1.5 cup 330 1.9 64.4 12.1 - 30 cents
Sauce, HUNT'S, Traditional Tomato Spaghetti Sauce 1/2 cup 59 1.2 10.9 2.6 - 25 cents
Kale, cooked, from fresh cup, 69 4.2 7.4 2.5 - 50 cents (easy to grow, tolerates neglect)

Total 1,623 cals 35.1 fat 285.4 carbs 57.6 protein

Total - 2.65 cents

Corn flakes 1 cup 90 0.1 21.7 1.7 - 15 cents
Banana, raw medium 105 0.4 27.0 1.3 - 35 cents
Milk, soy, 1/2 cup 51 2.0 5.6 2.8 - 20 cents

Strawberry Jam 2 Tbls 101 0.0 26.6 0.1 - 20 cents
Peanut butter 4 Tbls 376 32.2 12.5 16.1 - 40 cents (this is for the natural kind, peanuts only)
Apple, raw small (2-1/2" dia) 55 0.2 14.6 0.3 - 45 cents
Bread, whole wheat, 100%, made from home recipe 4 thick slices 598 13.6 108.7 18.4 - 25 cents

Pinto, calico, or red Mexican beans, dry, cooked 1 cup 313 14.8 33.9 11.6 -15 cents
Rice, brown, cooked, regular 1 cup 215 1.7 44.4 5.0 - 15 cents
Chard, cooked cup, stalk and leaves 57 3.2 6.1 2.7 - 50 cents (easy to grow, tolerates neglect)

Total 1,961 cals 68.3 fat 301.2 carbs 59.8 protein

Total 2.80

If all shopping was done at Aldi's or Costco I'd say the price could fall another 25-35 percent. With even a very modest vegetable garden (say a patch of collards, kale, chard) it's could chop 50 cents a day off. Grow carrots or put up several bean teepees of dried beans and spend your evenings shelling dried beans for a couple of months in the autumn and that would chop another 25 cents a day off. Both of those crops are pretty disease resistant, store moderately well (especially the dried beans if carefully dried) and carrots are relatively invisible and not vulnerable to vandalism/theft in "iffy" neighborhoods. Beans not so much. Kale, chard and collards tends to not be real attractive to thieves, and frost will slow it down but not destroy it.

Bottom line, if you cut out meat you cut your grocery bill way down. Cut out dairy and don't become too dependant on dairy alternatives and it goes down again. Eggs too.

Both daily menus provide adequate protein (over 50 grams) and sufficient calories. Low in fat, high in fiber, and both have 5 servings of fruit and veg.

Also, this plan has an added side benefit. If anyone asks why you don't want to order pizza with everyone else in the office, or if your kids are asked why they aren't buying lunch, etc - you or they don't have to actually admit you or they can't afford it - which has a big stigma in our society. Instead you or they can say "we're doing this vegan thing" or "my mom is on this health kick" or "my doctor has me on a special low cholesterol diet" or "I don't eat anything with a face". It's an out. You don't have to admit that you don't have the money or can't see spending the money on something that's not an investment.

One thing I would recommend though. I would say that a good multivitamin (cheap if you shop around or buy online) is not a bad idea. Get one with iron (because you aren't eating meat) and B-12 (only found in meat, milk, eggs, or fortified foods). This diet isn't loaded with calcium either. So a generic bottle of tums might be good. A couple at night should set you up just fine. They are cheap too if you buy generic in the big bottle.